Yet Another Celebrity List

Because I just can't stop talking about myself and my oh-so-relevant opinions. I'm just rebelling against the oppressive societal expectations of Canadians to be selfless and caring and whatever. Take that, world.

Jean over on one of my favourite blogs The Wanderlust Guide (she has some amazing advice posts about everything from working out to proper date attire) did this post a couple weeks ago entitled The Locked Door and Celebrity Test. Basically, she gauged celebrities of her choice based on how much she'd like to be locked in a room with them (for the record, I could be happily locked in a room with Channing Tatum until I starved/suffocated/drooled myself to death).

I love these kinds of posts since it really requires minimal creative effort on my part, and since I should be studying for a midterm right now, I don't feel too bad about whipping through this list and throwing in an entertaining gif here and there.

Me frantically trying to learn the course material before an exam. #yolo #pharmswag*

(*Disclaimer: These hashtags are only 70% ironic.)

Anyway, getting to the actual point of this post (which now that I think about it is kind of a more mature version of F***, Marry, Kill), here is Jean's scale for how to rank the celebritays:

1 = Never. The door to this room is locked. This is a form of punishment and I am plotting my escape and your demise the entire time. I am thoroughly creeped out. I may appreciate your work, but you as a person is not doing it for me. I am scared of you.

2-3 = I hate what you stand for. I may have been fascinated with meeting you, but it more of a morbid fascination. I don't like you, I'm just intrigued how you became such a weirdo. I must witness it for myself. 

4-5 = Someone has set me up and I am annoyed, but not alarmed. We're not compatible and have nothing to talk about. I tried, I try with everyone. I am most likely tweeting, hoping for human interaction and praying this ends.

6 = Eh. It's a life experience, but we both know we're not ever calling each other again. We might have some chit chat and find the interaction interesting, but this is a one-time deal. I'll tell people I met you, but leave it at that. 

7-8 = You are pretty cool. We're talking, I like you and I am not eyeing the door or checking my phone. In fact, the door is probably open and I am choosing to stay.

9-10 = I'd like to have your babies. I may or may not have told you this yet. I don't care if you are a man or a woman; I hope the kids have my eyes and your sparkling personality.

Alright. Let's get the hot messes rolling.

1: Tom Cruise

This one's probably the hardest since it has to be someone who I appreciate, but don't really "get." Quite honestly, he's about the scariest person I could think of right now. Don't get me wrong, Top Gun was awesome. Jerry Maguire? That's my shit right there. Rain Man made my lacrimal ducts crash down like New York City in The Day After Tomorrow (this is some poorly thought-out reference to the giant wave thingy which is my tears). But I just really never want to be in the same room as Tom Cruise.

2-3: Like there's even any contest.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm obsessed with Miley Cyrus. I spend an embarrassingly large portion of my day thinking about her and trying to figure out what the hell is going on. On the one hand, I really give her props for not giving a single fuck what anyone thinks. But on the other hand, man, she's a ho. 

I defended her at first. She works hard, she's in a serious relationship, she's not a cokehead, her music's still half-decent... I don't really see the problem. And then shit got weird. 

The west coast is so ashamed right now.

It's not like we couldn't see it coming, but still. She's just out-of-control outrageous, just for the attention, and it's making me mad. I'd like to shake some sense into that girl. And give her some pants.

4-5: Drake

I'm not going to make any Amanda Bynes jokes for the sake of tact, but you can use your imagination.

So someone set me up with Drake, probably under the assumption that we're both Canadian and therefore soulmates. I have no qualms about Degrassi, but I just do not get Drake. I don't really pay much attention to him other than the songs that play on the radio, but I just feel like we would not get along. When did he turn into such a G? I'm sure he's nice and all, whatever, but I'm just kind of bored at the thought of him. Also I blame him for "yolo," so there's that.

6: Tara Reid

This is a bit of a true story. Last month, Tara Reid was making an appearance at a bar I just happened to be going to (because who doesn't go out on the first day of school?), and all of the guys I was with were flipping shit. I think they were kind of fascinated at the idea of meeting her, just because she has achieved some level of ill-earned celebrity and has since fallen into physical disrepair. Seriously, the girl was ratchet. 

Anyway, I saw her and watched as she took pictures with "fans," but I didn't actually get in line to meet her because I didn't care enough to do that. I still tell people I saw her, and that she was a bitch to my one friend who did get a photo, but that's as far as the whole thing went. 

7-8: Macklemore

Usually if I talk about someone a lot in a really nonchalant manner, it's because I'm secretly in love with them. 

When it comes to this guy, it's not so much "in love with" as "respect more than I've ever respected any other artist." His songs are meaningful and amazing and put any rapper who only talks about drugs and booty to shame, and I think I could just sit there and listen to what he has to say for hours. And he makes me feel a little bit more gangster about being a middle-class white kid from the northwest.

And that hair. 

9-10: Obviously it's the LDR.

I have a pretty obsessive personality. I've come to embrace that. But I fucking love this woman. It's not natural. Words cannot describe, although I tried in this post, so you can check that out. 

I don't know what it is about her. Her sultry cat eyes, her gorgeous auburn hair, her adorable vintage style, her breathtakingly beautiful inner sadness, her motherfucking voice. Lana Del Rey is the epitome of beautiful in my eyes, and I don't care what people say about her lips being fake or her image being a corporately constructed moneymaking product. True, she barely seems real when you listen to her music and look at flawless promotional photos.  But if you watch her interviews or her live performances or the little videos that stalker paparazzi put up of her just chillin in the streets of Paris, it becomes apparent just how lovely she really is. When I watch those videos, I realize that it's not about her hair or her lips. She's beautiful because she's beautiful inside. And she's so goddamn talented. I literally cry every time I hear a new song of hers. It's bad, guys.

I just want to talk to her. And hug her. And tell her how much I love her. And never let go. 

TELL ME THIS ISN'T THE SWEETEST THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN EVER.
Well, I suppose that's about it. I tried to stray from my usual standby topics (ie. Neil Patrick Harris, Justin Bieber, Jason Priestley, Ke$ha, etc), so there you go. I think Jean's list is a bit better than mine (so political and important and everything), but I could have easily just put Miley Cyrus for every single one, so give me some credit for trying. 

Worst Blogger Ever

So, um, yeah. I swear, usually I'm good at this. I used to have a really legit blog for like, an entire year, so I'm not one of those lame people who just gives up on something and moves onto something else. Although, nail polish has been eclipsing all the other aspects of my life lately...

What were once long and almost-Lana-Del-Rey-esque are now so stubby and sad. Naturally, I must console myself by ordering amaaazeballz indie polishes by the dozens. 

It's just that I don't have any inspiration. If I had something to say, I would say it. But I don't. At least not on a blog. Lately the only word coming out my mouth have been derogatory remarks about McDonalds employees, conveniently while I'm waiting for my food in a McDonalds. I'm not much of a forward thinker. And the only words coming out of my fingertips have been business-like emails dealing with all the paperwork annoyingness that is studenthood in a health sciences field.

Other than that, what have I been up to? Hmm, not much. University's taking its leisurely time getting going, but I'm sure it'll be punching me in the cervix before I even know it. That's how these things usually work. I'm making lots of new friends, blah blah blah, I live behind a frat house and always seem to forget and end up traipsing around my room in my underwear with the blinds open, blah blah, I'm broke from spending all my student loans on nail polish, alcohol, and Tim Hortons. So yeah, life's pretty great.

I guess I can make a post about Miley Cyrus sometime, as cliche as that is. I've been a fan of shaking my head at her shenanigans since '07 so it really is an issue close to my heart. Look forward to that.

I'm just really curious as to what happened to that giant swinging ball after the video was filmed. eBay?

Well, there you go, loyal fans. I made a blog post. Actually, I have a couple ideas for future posts but I never really get itching to write unless there's something else that I really should be doing, such as schoolwork (which everyone knows is a gigantic joke). Expect this blog to be heating up around midterm season with the fire of my procrastination. 

At least I still have good metaphorical skills.

(Approximately) 19 Favourite Compliments

I have absolutely nothing to show for the past week and a half, but isn't that what summer's all about? It takes me back to the good old days (aka middle school) when summer was two solid months of sleeping in and going to the mall; none of this making-tuition-money and preparing-for-school bullshit. Semi-adult life sucks. At least full-fledged adults can spend their money on stuff they actually want instead of textbooks and dormitory damage charges.

IT'S LITTLE MERMAID NAIL POLISH. SO. BEAUTIFUL. 

I'm pretty sure bills and car insurance and taxes are just urban myths told to scare kids into not enjoying their childhood. Well, it's not going to work on me!

My friend Tawa got me a Flynn Rider doll for my 19th birthday (from Tangled AKA The Best Disney Film Ever Besides Monsters University). It's not like I roleplay with him or anything (*cough*), although I am pretty excited for him to meet my Brandon Walsh doll. I'm sure they'll be best friends/lovers forever.

Anyway, since I have recently turned nineteen years of age and can now drink legally in every province/territory in Canada (which I believe is cause for celebration), I wanted to list some of the best compliments I've received from my friends, family and random-ass strangers:

1. "Your nails look so good. Are they fake?"

No, these are not my nails, although I wish they were (chalkboardnails.com). I hacked off my nails in a fit of mania last week because half of them were breaking off, so they are no longer long and beautiful and Lana Del Rey-esque. 

They will be one day soon! I am in the midst of repairing them and readying them to be the fierce talons that are thus far but a hazy, sultry, tattooed, auburn dream. 

Before they broke, many people were asking me if my nails were fake, to which I gleefully responded, "They're REAL! Aren't they fabulous?" and to which everyone would say, "They're actually really creepy." Well, that's The Dream.

2. "You have perfect eyebrows."

Eyebrows are a tricky thing, as Demi Lovato knows. It's a very delicate balance, most of which people who have discovered tweezers struggle with horrifically. Hence, when people compliment me on my own, which are a carefully constructed face-framer resulting from two years living in constant fear of over-plucking or filling them in unnaturally, I think I've found my eyebrow sweet spot, as it were.

I mean, they're not terrible. They vary from day to day. Lana is, as per usual, the golden standard.

3. "You know that episode of How I Met Your Mother when Robin is trying to take a bad picture of Barney, but Barney looks good in every single photo no matter what? That's like you. You just have the perfect smile every time."

Pretty much. 

4. "Are you wearing fake eyelashes?"

By now you should have inferred that if anything about you is thought to be fake, you are at the pinnacle of beauty. Honestly, can you think of any higher compliment than looking too good to be true? Fakeness is a virtue, and faux-fakeness is godlike. 

Courtney Stodden is something of a role model to me.

5. "You're surprisingly smart"/

"You're surprisingly dumb"

This one really depends on what context you initially meet me in. If it's an academic context, then you may think me to be mature, sophisticated, insightful and even maybe intimidating. If you meet me in a social situation, then you'll most likely assume that I am the most air-headed person on the planet. Take for example, yesterday when I was plugging an electric pump into the socket of the car. I put the end where the air comes out into the socket, and the electric plug end into the air plug of the mattress. I didn't notice anything was wrong until my dad laughed at me. I just blame it on the fact that I am above such menial cognitive function. Kind of like when I got every question on my high school physics test right, except for the first one where I incorrectly manipulated v=d/t.

But I digress.

6. "Your shoulder dimples are so cute."

You can always fake it with piercings? *shudder*

I didn't even notice these until I was like 16. I just thought everyone had them. Apparently not.

7. "You have the best makeup collection ever."

I really don't, though. My collection is about 1/4 of the size of this one (which I found a picture of on tumblr and cannot find the owner to, so sorry, please don't sue me). I guess it's just because I have a lot of nice eyeshadow? It all just kind of appeared one day, so I can't take much credit for it. I'm too lazy for eyeshadow now anyway.

Compliments are pretty weird, if you think about it. Complimenting someone on a facial feature is kind of stupid because it's not really any of their own doing; you should really be complimenting their genetics. Complimenting someone on something they own could either reference their taste or style, which I suppose is admirable, or just how much money they have. Complimenting someone on a skill or talent or job-well-done is probably the most justified, in my opinion. At least that can't be bought or handed to you by your parent's chromosomes.

So maybe this wasn't 19 compliments, because I couldn't think of 19 nice things people have said to me. At least the ones I have received reinforced my boundless vanity! I should probably do a sequel post about the worst compliments I've received (like when a friend told me my hair reminded her of Blake Lively. I was going for Ke$ha, but fine. That's fine). I feel like that would be a thousand times more entertaining.

To make the finale (fee-nal-aaaayyyy) of this post more exciting, here are some catlike representations of me in various life situations:

Me when I run into my crush and try to act cool

Me stepping outside on a winter morning and underestimating the snowfall

Me on the first run at a ski hill

Me showing affection to my friends

Me trying to understand quantum physics

Me when I smell bacon

Me at the Disney Store

...I think that's enough for now.

Twerk Tag

I'm being a horrible blogger, but lately I've been a little more than occupied with sleeping and frequenting McDonalds. Whoever thought 24-hour drive thrus were a good idea was probably the same person who invented deep fried Oreos (I'm pointing at you, Calgary Stampede).

Bye, arteries. It was nice knowing you.

I also just noticed that my blog actually has quite a substantial following (and by that I mean like 13 pageviews a day), so I might as well keep giving the people what they want.

I did a focus group and everything. It's all very scientific.

As I was going through my blogs today (not the ones I write but the ones I follow, desperate for inspiration), I found the 11 Questions Tag that Elissa did over on one of my favourite nail polish blogs Ten Little Nubs. With the thought of, "Well, I don't have much to say right now so I suppose I could give some dry-ass remarks," I set off to answer the same questions she answered. Also, it's an excuse to use a fancy font, which I can never turn down.

1. What is your favourite genre of music?

I don't really know if I have a favourite genre... I guess mostly pop/alternative? Pretty much everything good falls under "alternative" these days. But as is common knowledge, Our Lady Lana Del Rey is the queen of my heart and my cochleas.

2. What is your favourite guilty pleasure television show/movie?

Gossip Girl is my guilty pleasure TV show, but sometimes it's so bad that even I can't stand it. Oh, and Teen Mom, Honey Boo Boo and Geordie Shore. And Ke$ha's reality show. Guilty pleasure movies are probably Mean Girls (classic) and 21 and Over, which I watch about 4 times a day. But hey, this is a judgement-free zone.

3. Name  your style icon(s).

Audrey Hepburn and Lana Del Rey. And Miley Cyrus. 

4. Have you ever walked in the rain?

Yes, and it is usually accompanied by me pretending to be in an overly emotional and artsy music video (think Come Clean by Hilary Duff). This also highly resembles me being angsty in a dimly lit bathroom a la Ashlee Simpson. 

5. Name the scariest thing you have ever done.

Driven standard.

6. What nail polish are you currently wearing as your manicure/pedicure?

On my nails is Keys to My Hybrid from the Metro Too Chic Sephora by OPI collection, which is a gorgeous, glossy, almost-hot-pink berry magenta colour.

A more professional swatch from beautezine.com, because I suck at lighting and picture-taking.

Here's my sad attempt. The shade changes drastically depending on the lighting, so I think the colour is usually somewhere in between these two. It looks much better in person. 

I am working on my pointy Lana Del Rey nails, though. They're coming along. 

My toes are Porcelain Party by Maybelline Colour Show, which is just a glossy white. It looked strange at first, but I've gotten used to it. 

7. What makeup brand do you have an absolute weakness for? (high end)

I love MAC makeup the best, but I hardly ever buy it. One of my most prized possessions is my MAC eyeshadow palette. 

I love you. 

Other than that, probably Too Faced or Benefit. Their stuff is so quirky.

8. Name your favourite junk food(s).

Cookie dough, ice cream, Lays Baked chips, Goldfish crackers, any chocolate, cupcakes, Dunkaroos, Oreo Cakesters, McDonald's fries, Wendy's Frostys, Pringles, Mini Oreos. Nachos, chicken wings, cake pops, Kraft Singles, Lunchables, McCain Smiles, sausage rolls, ice cream cake, cheesecake, cinnamon buns, frozen waffles. The list goes on, really.

9. Tell us your role model.

Well, I admire Lana Del Rey's style and grace and general badassery. Sophia Bush goes in there as well because she's such a passionate activist, or so I gather from Twitter. 

10. What is your dream career?

Does being Mrs. Chris Pine count as a career? If not, I suppose it would be being a successful novelist/screenwriter. Oh, and a pharmacist. =)

11. Name your celebrity crushes, male and female.

Female: Jennifer Lawrence, of course. That woman is a goddess by many definitions.

Male: Oh god, how do I narrow this down? My friend Tawa and I were planning out a potential Bachelorette show where all of our bachelors would be hot celebrity men. I suppose I'll just list the 25 I would choose to woo me, in no particular order (also, this is so not a repeat of my celebrity crushes. That was a list of 10, this is a list of 25. Obviously.):

1. Miles Teller (although there wouldn't be much competition)

2. Chad Michael Murray (for the lulz)

3. Alan Rickman (married senior citizens count, right?)

4. Ryan Reynolds

5. Chris Pine

6. Seth Rogen (for the LOLZ)

7. Jason Segel

8. Zac Efron

9. Taylor Lautner (for the lulz)

10. Jake Gyllenhaal

11. Justin Bieber (for the lulz and just to make him go on ridiculous dates with me)

12. Sterling Knight

13. David Henrie

14. James Franco (for the heroin-chic sex appeal)

15. Chace Crawford

16. Matt Lanter

17. Neil Patrick Harris (gay guys count, right?)

18. Skylar Astin (because what is Miles Teller without him?)

19. Justin Timberlake (to write me a symphony)

20. Harry Styles (for the lulz)

21. Joe Jonas (for the lulz)

22. Kevin Jonas (for the lulz)

23. Jason Priestley

24. Bradley Cooper

25. Ellen Degeneres (she can hold her own among the hot celebrity men)

Tell me that wouldn't be the greatest show ever.

I would accept these abs.

And these eyes.

And this face.

And this voice.

And this #swag.

Lana Nail Rey

Please excuse my recent lapse in internet presence; I had been frantically finishing summer school and flitting around Canada visting family. Also, thanks for showing me a good pre-4th-of-July good time, Idaho. I think I've seen enough American flags for a while.

Hmm, on second thought, maybe a couple more.

I've been growing my nails out ever since the beginning of summertime, with a fair amount of success. I feel like this blog is going to slowly turn into a nail polish blog, but I suppose that's alright. I read nail polish blogs. They're likeable. And now that I have basically infinite time on my hands (heh heh, get it?), I can do them all the time!

Soooo pretty! This is the blue from the Sephora Jasmine Collection and Queen of Everything by Sephora by OPI. It's just so glossy.

.GLOSSY.

When I repainted the following week, I didn't realize that it was pretty much the exact same colour scheme as above... It's supposed to be mint green, but it turns out as more of a Tiffany turquoise.

It matches my backpack, though!

This is Aladdin's Girl from the Jasmine collection mentioned above, and it's gorgeous, but a little too translucent for my taste. 

I believe this one's called Fit For Royalty (from Jasmine). What a perfect dark purple for summer!

And, of course, Canada Day/Calgary Stampede nails.

(See how much they've grown? I broke the middle nail on my other hand whilst camping and I only cried for a day or so.)

Hopefully the Stampede can be pulled off to some adequate degree this year, what with all of the Alberta flooding a couple weeks ago. Calgs is a tough city. We'll make it through. 

♥