Twerk Tag

I'm being a horrible blogger, but lately I've been a little more than occupied with sleeping and frequenting McDonalds. Whoever thought 24-hour drive thrus were a good idea was probably the same person who invented deep fried Oreos (I'm pointing at you, Calgary Stampede).

Bye, arteries. It was nice knowing you.

I also just noticed that my blog actually has quite a substantial following (and by that I mean like 13 pageviews a day), so I might as well keep giving the people what they want.

I did a focus group and everything. It's all very scientific.

As I was going through my blogs today (not the ones I write but the ones I follow, desperate for inspiration), I found the 11 Questions Tag that Elissa did over on one of my favourite nail polish blogs Ten Little Nubs. With the thought of, "Well, I don't have much to say right now so I suppose I could give some dry-ass remarks," I set off to answer the same questions she answered. Also, it's an excuse to use a fancy font, which I can never turn down.

1. What is your favourite genre of music?

I don't really know if I have a favourite genre... I guess mostly pop/alternative? Pretty much everything good falls under "alternative" these days. But as is common knowledge, Our Lady Lana Del Rey is the queen of my heart and my cochleas.

2. What is your favourite guilty pleasure television show/movie?

Gossip Girl is my guilty pleasure TV show, but sometimes it's so bad that even I can't stand it. Oh, and Teen Mom, Honey Boo Boo and Geordie Shore. And Ke$ha's reality show. Guilty pleasure movies are probably Mean Girls (classic) and 21 and Over, which I watch about 4 times a day. But hey, this is a judgement-free zone.

3. Name  your style icon(s).

Audrey Hepburn and Lana Del Rey. And Miley Cyrus. 

4. Have you ever walked in the rain?

Yes, and it is usually accompanied by me pretending to be in an overly emotional and artsy music video (think Come Clean by Hilary Duff). This also highly resembles me being angsty in a dimly lit bathroom a la Ashlee Simpson. 

5. Name the scariest thing you have ever done.

Driven standard.

6. What nail polish are you currently wearing as your manicure/pedicure?

On my nails is Keys to My Hybrid from the Metro Too Chic Sephora by OPI collection, which is a gorgeous, glossy, almost-hot-pink berry magenta colour.

A more professional swatch from beautezine.com, because I suck at lighting and picture-taking.

Here's my sad attempt. The shade changes drastically depending on the lighting, so I think the colour is usually somewhere in between these two. It looks much better in person. 

I am working on my pointy Lana Del Rey nails, though. They're coming along. 

My toes are Porcelain Party by Maybelline Colour Show, which is just a glossy white. It looked strange at first, but I've gotten used to it. 

7. What makeup brand do you have an absolute weakness for? (high end)

I love MAC makeup the best, but I hardly ever buy it. One of my most prized possessions is my MAC eyeshadow palette. 

I love you. 

Other than that, probably Too Faced or Benefit. Their stuff is so quirky.

8. Name your favourite junk food(s).

Cookie dough, ice cream, Lays Baked chips, Goldfish crackers, any chocolate, cupcakes, Dunkaroos, Oreo Cakesters, McDonald's fries, Wendy's Frostys, Pringles, Mini Oreos. Nachos, chicken wings, cake pops, Kraft Singles, Lunchables, McCain Smiles, sausage rolls, ice cream cake, cheesecake, cinnamon buns, frozen waffles. The list goes on, really.

9. Tell us your role model.

Well, I admire Lana Del Rey's style and grace and general badassery. Sophia Bush goes in there as well because she's such a passionate activist, or so I gather from Twitter. 

10. What is your dream career?

Does being Mrs. Chris Pine count as a career? If not, I suppose it would be being a successful novelist/screenwriter. Oh, and a pharmacist. =)

11. Name your celebrity crushes, male and female.

Female: Jennifer Lawrence, of course. That woman is a goddess by many definitions.

Male: Oh god, how do I narrow this down? My friend Tawa and I were planning out a potential Bachelorette show where all of our bachelors would be hot celebrity men. I suppose I'll just list the 25 I would choose to woo me, in no particular order (also, this is so not a repeat of my celebrity crushes. That was a list of 10, this is a list of 25. Obviously.):

1. Miles Teller (although there wouldn't be much competition)

2. Chad Michael Murray (for the lulz)

3. Alan Rickman (married senior citizens count, right?)

4. Ryan Reynolds

5. Chris Pine

6. Seth Rogen (for the LOLZ)

7. Jason Segel

8. Zac Efron

9. Taylor Lautner (for the lulz)

10. Jake Gyllenhaal

11. Justin Bieber (for the lulz and just to make him go on ridiculous dates with me)

12. Sterling Knight

13. David Henrie

14. James Franco (for the heroin-chic sex appeal)

15. Chace Crawford

16. Matt Lanter

17. Neil Patrick Harris (gay guys count, right?)

18. Skylar Astin (because what is Miles Teller without him?)

19. Justin Timberlake (to write me a symphony)

20. Harry Styles (for the lulz)

21. Joe Jonas (for the lulz)

22. Kevin Jonas (for the lulz)

23. Jason Priestley

24. Bradley Cooper

25. Ellen Degeneres (she can hold her own among the hot celebrity men)

Tell me that wouldn't be the greatest show ever.

I would accept these abs.

And these eyes.

And this face.

And this voice.

And this #swag.

Ten Teenage Crushes

I recently read a post by the very funny Kate of the blog Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine in which she lists ten crushes she's had. Some of them were adorably embarrassing, and it got me thinking about my own crushes over the past few years, and particularly the embarrassing celebrity ones.
I may still technically be a teenager, but that doesn't mean I don't look back on my junior high days with varying levels of shame and regret at my unrequited loves. Also, using the word "crush" here is very much an understatement. When I develop a crush on someone (real or fictional or famous, but mostly famous), I become obsessed. Like, literally. I watch all of the movies they're in, watch all of their interviews online, create folders on my computer filled with photos of them... Sometimes I think better of it just in case I actually meet said celebrity crush and they fall madly in love with me, only to be driven away by my stalkerness, but I'd rather have easy access to those shirtless photos.

So without further ado, here's my list, in kind-of order from way back to now:

1. The 8th Grade Fantasy: Ed Westwick

I don't remember having any crushes until I was 13 and started watching Gossip Girl. I mean, there were cute guys at my school and stuff, but they were kind of immature and obnoxious. Gossip Girl was the love of my life for a few years, before it kind of went off the rails and into shitsville. It wasn't even so much Ed that I liked as his character, Chuck Bass; he was so witty and brooding and secretly romantic that even his flaws seemed irresistible. The height of this passion would definitely have to be making Chuck and Blair wallpapers and writing fanfiction. Oh, the good old days.

2. The Everyone Loved Him at Some Point: Zac Efron

This one's a given. I didn't even start liking him until a few years after High School Musical. The scene in 17 Again when he's wearing those sunglasses and that leather jacket and he gets out of his car and locks it without looking back has got to be one of the best cinematic moments I've ever experienced. 

Zac's been one of my biggest obsessions to date, so much so that my 15th birthday party was Zac Efron-themed. If you don't believe me, I have proof:

Yes, that is a cake with his face on it. I had it custom-made. There was also a HSM tablecloth (pictured), HSM cups and plates, a HSM pinata (luckily for me, all this stuff was still popular), and about 50 pictures of him taped up around the house. The one in the dining room stayed for about 2 years before my dad finally forced me to take it down.

I also taped a picture of Vanessa Hudgens to the pinata, just so I could hit her in the face repeatedly with a baseball bat. 

3. The Mid-2000s N*SYNC: The Jonas Brothers

One Direction who? Not much needs to be said about this one; they were the metrosexual heartthrobs of my generation. And the reason I listed all of them collectively was because I oscillated between them; at one particularly dark point in my life, I was deeply in love with Kevin simply because no one else was and I wanted to be unique. He was my Msn Messenger icon. It was that real. 

4. The I'm Too Cool for Edward Cullen: Jackson Rathbone

So we're entering the Twilight era, and I will never, ever like Robert Pattinson. Besides, Jasper was always my favourite vampire. Sure, Emmett was pretty funny, but Jasper was so... angsty. His body language was worth a hundred of Emmett's sex jokes.

Kellan Lutz kind of reminds me of a beefed-up Seann William Scott, and I don't know how I feel about that. 

5. The Most Beautiful Man Alive: Matt Lanter

Matt Lanter is one of those guys who is just way too good-looking to be human, kind of like Ryan Reynolds. They're so hot that you can't ever take them seriously. I remember when he first appeared on 90210, and everyone was flipping shit. Obviously they had to boot the boring dude no one cared about so Matt could become a permanent ratings boost (side note: I'm friends with a girl who was Dustin Mulligan's neighbour AKA Ethan, the guy that got bumped off after season 1. Basically Matt Lanter and I are BFFs). I'm pretty sure he's the only reason anyone watched 90210; he's the only reason I did.

6. The Animated Crush: Flynn Rider

I don't even care that he's a fictional character because he is damn sexy. I've had conversations at length with various friends over the pervertedness of viewing animated characters in a sexual light. I think it's most appropriate when it's a human character like Flynn. Or He-Man. Whatever you're into. The lines start to get blurry when you talk about non-human characters and drift into that beastiality-esque area.

Still, my view on My Little Pony is that the characters were meant to be viewed as kind-of humans... how else could those male ponies be so alluring?

He's wearing a bowtie and vest. He's basically Owen Wilson from Wedding Crashers.

Okay, I'm going to stop before this goes too far.

7. The Second Animated Crush: Emperor Kuzco

I wish I was just joking with all this stuff, but I'm really not.

Remember, from The Emperor's New Groove? The TV show was even better, in my opinion.

He's kind of like an Egyptian Barney Stinson. Also, it took an entire high school education to learn that Emperor's New Groove doesn't actually take place in Egypt. I think they were Mayans or something? But I mean, come on, who could blame me? They had fancy hats and pyramid-things and those haircuts... anyone could have made the same mistake. Excuse me if I don't know the geographical origins of llamas.

Also, this picture has been my iPod background for a solid year and a half. I can't imagine my life without the internet.

8. The Fuzzy Heart: Jason Segel

This one's more of a personality crush, where he is just adorable and talented and I love it. He definitely made the first few seasons of How I Met Your Mother for me, and the Muppets was amazing and I may/may not have screamed and/or cried the entire way through. When that snobby bitch Michelle Williams broke up with him because she "wasn't looking for anything serious," I wanted to punch her in her pursed little mouth. (I'm sure she's actually very nice, but it's one of those things where I just dislike her for no particular reason. Kind of like Natalie Portman. She's just too sweet and intelligent. Something's clearly wrong there.)

He was such a stud in Freaks and Geeks, though.

9. The True Teen Heartthrob: Jason Priestley

When I was about 16, I started watching Beverly Hills 90210 (the old one), and Brandon Walsh was the greatest thing I'd ever seen. He was such a do-gooder, and it was so hot. It's the kind of crush that's like true love, where over time it just deepens into this kind of warm, comfortable affection. I'll never find anybody as good as Brandon.

And yes... I have the doll. 

Speaking of obsessions, I'm obsessed with '90s television. It was just so much better than the crap we have these days (not that I don't watch Honey Boo Boo from time to time). In fact, anything before the new millennium was awesome. Doogie Howser MD holds a special place in my heart. He can be an honorary member on this list.

How can anyone say no to 16-year-old Neil Patrick Harris? He totally would have been my tween crush, if I hadn't been born in the wrong decade.

10. The Love of My Life: Miles Teller

This one is extremely important. 

If you don't know who he is, good, because I want him all to myself. The first movie I saw Miles Teller in was Project X (yes, I saw that in theatres- we almost didn't get let in because it was rated R and we were 17 at the time, but one of my friends was 18 so she was allowed to be our "chaperone." Don't worry, she covered my eyes during the bad parts). I remember briefly thinking, "Oh, that guy's pretty cute," and that was the end of that. A few months ago I saw 21 and Over (I was 18 this time so I was allowed to watch the bad parts- heheh, butts), and that's when it all started. 

It's not that he's the hottest guy in the world or anything like that. He kind of reminds me of Jason Segel, except young and hot and an even better dancer. There's just something about him that I love, and I don't quite know what it is. My best guess is that we're soulmates.

Also, this was an accident. Well, a sort-of accident. I was perusing random posters and autographs on eBay when I stumbled upon this beauty, and I never wanted anything so badly since my Brandon Walsh doll:

It's just the most hilarious thing. Anyway, I made an offer on it, only briefly considering whether or not I would be locked into buying it if my offer got accepted (I'm not very good at eBay). Turns out it did get accepted, and yes, I was now obligated to buy it. There are definitely worse fates to be had.

So basically, I now own something that he touched/breathed on. I hope I don't get pregnant. I'll wear gloves.

And that leads me to the present. If you haven't already checked out Kate's list, make sure you do so, and let me know who your 10 crushes are! I'm getting so lonely that I might have to post comments on my own blog under different names to make myself look popular. Let's not make that happen. 

OH! One last thing. I know I already used up my 10 crushes (it was a difficult decision cutting it down to these sexies), but I just wanted to add Alan Rickman in there.

I could care less that he's like 70; that voice is timeless. Sense and Sensibility was so wonderful that you didn't even notice that he was ~30 years older than Kate Winslet. Also, Snape.

I'm done now, I promise.