Jean over on one of my favourite blogs The Wanderlust Guide (she has some amazing advice posts about everything from working out to proper date attire) did this post a couple weeks ago entitled The Locked Door and Celebrity Test. Basically, she gauged celebrities of her choice based on how much she'd like to be locked in a room with them (for the record, I could be happily locked in a room with Channing Tatum until I starved/suffocated/drooled myself to death).
I love these kinds of posts since it really requires minimal creative effort on my part, and since I should be studying for a midterm right now, I don't feel too bad about whipping through this list and throwing in an entertaining gif here and there.
Me frantically trying to learn the course material before an exam. #yolo #pharmswag*
(*Disclaimer: These hashtags are only 70% ironic.)
Anyway, getting to the actual point of this post (which now that I think about it is kind of a more mature version of F***, Marry, Kill), here is Jean's scale for how to rank the celebritays:
1 = Never. The door to this room is locked. This is a form of punishment and I am plotting my escape and your demise the entire time. I am thoroughly creeped out. I may appreciate your work, but you as a person is not doing it for me. I am scared of you.
2-3 = I hate what you stand for. I may have been fascinated with meeting you, but it more of a morbid fascination. I don't like you, I'm just intrigued how you became such a weirdo. I must witness it for myself.
4-5 = Someone has set me up and I am annoyed, but not alarmed. We're not compatible and have nothing to talk about. I tried, I try with everyone. I am most likely tweeting, hoping for human interaction and praying this ends.
6 = Eh. It's a life experience, but we both know we're not ever calling each other again. We might have some chit chat and find the interaction interesting, but this is a one-time deal. I'll tell people I met you, but leave it at that.
7-8 = You are pretty cool. We're talking, I like you and I am not eyeing the door or checking my phone. In fact, the door is probably open and I am choosing to stay.
9-10 = I'd like to have your babies. I may or may not have told you this yet. I don't care if you are a man or a woman; I hope the kids have my eyes and your sparkling personality.
2-3 = I hate what you stand for. I may have been fascinated with meeting you, but it more of a morbid fascination. I don't like you, I'm just intrigued how you became such a weirdo. I must witness it for myself.
4-5 = Someone has set me up and I am annoyed, but not alarmed. We're not compatible and have nothing to talk about. I tried, I try with everyone. I am most likely tweeting, hoping for human interaction and praying this ends.
6 = Eh. It's a life experience, but we both know we're not ever calling each other again. We might have some chit chat and find the interaction interesting, but this is a one-time deal. I'll tell people I met you, but leave it at that.
7-8 = You are pretty cool. We're talking, I like you and I am not eyeing the door or checking my phone. In fact, the door is probably open and I am choosing to stay.
9-10 = I'd like to have your babies. I may or may not have told you this yet. I don't care if you are a man or a woman; I hope the kids have my eyes and your sparkling personality.
1: Tom Cruise
This one's probably the hardest since it has to be someone who I appreciate, but don't really "get." Quite honestly, he's about the scariest person I could think of right now. Don't get me wrong, Top Gun was awesome. Jerry Maguire? That's my shit right there. Rain Man made my lacrimal ducts crash down like New York City in The Day After Tomorrow (this is some poorly thought-out reference to the giant wave thingy which is my tears). But I just really never want to be in the same room as Tom Cruise.
2-3: Like there's even any contest.
In case you haven't noticed, I'm obsessed with Miley Cyrus. I spend an embarrassingly large portion of my day thinking about her and trying to figure out what the hell is going on. On the one hand, I really give her props for not giving a single fuck what anyone thinks. But on the other hand, man, she's a ho.
I defended her at first. She works hard, she's in a serious relationship, she's not a cokehead, her music's still half-decent... I don't really see the problem. And then shit got weird.
The west coast is so ashamed right now.
It's not like we couldn't see it coming, but still. She's just out-of-control outrageous, just for the attention, and it's making me mad. I'd like to shake some sense into that girl. And give her some pants.
4-5: Drake
I'm not going to make any Amanda Bynes jokes for the sake of tact, but you can use your imagination.
So someone set me up with Drake, probably under the assumption that we're both Canadian and therefore soulmates. I have no qualms about Degrassi, but I just do not get Drake. I don't really pay much attention to him other than the songs that play on the radio, but I just feel like we would not get along. When did he turn into such a G? I'm sure he's nice and all, whatever, but I'm just kind of bored at the thought of him. Also I blame him for "yolo," so there's that.
6: Tara Reid
This is a bit of a true story. Last month, Tara Reid was making an appearance at a bar I just happened to be going to (because who doesn't go out on the first day of school?), and all of the guys I was with were flipping shit. I think they were kind of fascinated at the idea of meeting her, just because she has achieved some level of ill-earned celebrity and has since fallen into physical disrepair. Seriously, the girl was ratchet.
Anyway, I saw her and watched as she took pictures with "fans," but I didn't actually get in line to meet her because I didn't care enough to do that. I still tell people I saw her, and that she was a bitch to my one friend who did get a photo, but that's as far as the whole thing went.
7-8: Macklemore
Usually if I talk about someone a lot in a really nonchalant manner, it's because I'm secretly in love with them.
When it comes to this guy, it's not so much "in love with" as "respect more than I've ever respected any other artist." His songs are meaningful and amazing and put any rapper who only talks about drugs and booty to shame, and I think I could just sit there and listen to what he has to say for hours. And he makes me feel a little bit more gangster about being a middle-class white kid from the northwest.
And that hair.
9-10: Obviously it's the LDR.
I have a pretty obsessive personality. I've come to embrace that. But I fucking love this woman. It's not natural. Words cannot describe, although I tried in this post, so you can check that out.
I don't know what it is about her. Her sultry cat eyes, her gorgeous auburn hair, her adorable vintage style, her breathtakingly beautiful inner sadness, her motherfucking voice. Lana Del Rey is the epitome of beautiful in my eyes, and I don't care what people say about her lips being fake or her image being a corporately constructed moneymaking product. True, she barely seems real when you listen to her music and look at flawless promotional photos. But if you watch her interviews or her live performances or the little videos that stalker paparazzi put up of her just chillin in the streets of Paris, it becomes apparent just how lovely she really is. When I watch those videos, I realize that it's not about her hair or her lips. She's beautiful because she's beautiful inside. And she's so goddamn talented. I literally cry every time I hear a new song of hers. It's bad, guys.
I just want to talk to her. And hug her. And tell her how much I love her. And never let go.
