Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Boston Cream Boyfriend

According to my friends, seeing the guy you like in line at Tim Horton's is a surefire sign that you two are meant to be.

Fancy seeing you here! Oh, this old thing?

Sure, that's plausible. Or it could just be that it's lunchtime and it's the only food place on campus that's open during spring term.

If you're from another part of the world and have no idea what I'm talking about, Tim Horton's is a donut/coffee chain and is pretty much the most Canadian thing in existence. It's kind of like Central Perk, and the Friends cast is the Canadian people.

Alberta is totally Chandler. Sorry, Ontario.

I also love the potential for confusion surrounding Timmies:

You: "Call you later, I'm going to Tim's."
Your Dad: "Who's Tim?"

Oh, you know. Just my boyfriend. Things are getting pretty serious, I see him at least twice a day.

Okay, maybe three times a day during Christmas. 

You would think I would be embarrassed by the judgemental way the employees look at me when I'm back within the hour, but I'm really only disappointed that they have yet to establish my "usual." 

Someday you'll love me like I love you. 
Someday.

Also, I'd like to know why they have yet to make a sprinkled Timbit. Seriously. You would have thought that would have been one of the first.

Maybe they do exist, and the world is just playing a cruel joke on me by not letting me have them, kind of like how I can't find a Niall Horan doll anywhere. They have all the other One Direction members in abundance, but I'm pretty sure an eccentric millionaire bought every single Niall one just to screw with all prepubescent girls. And me. 

At least we have been gifted with The Priestley, if not unofficially.
Seriously, Tim's. Get your shit together and start mass-producing these things so I can buy them by the hockey-rink-load.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Divergent: A Scientific Review

So before I get started on my homework (yes, it is Sunday night. It's not like I actually take my education seriously), I thought I'd do a brief review of Divergent, which is a novel that I read this weekend.
Ooh! I should start doing book reviews whenever I read a book! Which, I'll admit, is infrequently at the moment due to school but will hopefully pick up once summer begins. I'll have to go on a book spree when I get home.

I was gonna make this brief, but what do you know, my inner ranter took the situation hostage.


What: Divergent by Veronica Roth
Divergent is a dystopian teen novel that is basically about a Marxist society in which people are split into different communities (called factions) based on their primary nature to be either kind, brave, intelligent, honest or selfless. When children in the society turn sixteen, they take "aptitude tests" to determine which faction they are best suited for, and then they must decide which faction to choose. If they choose to join a faction that is not the same as that they were raised in, they must be separated from their family and ultimately start a new life with their new faction. Each community serves a different purpose in the functioning of society, but tensions between the communities ultimately lead to political uprising and the beginning of war.
Divergent is the first instalment in the trilogy.

The symbols of the five factions: Dauntless, Erudite, Candor, Abnegation and Amity.


Where: The novel takes place in the future, in the ruins of Chicago. Each faction resides in their own compound, the descriptions of which are somewhat difficult to follow, although perhaps that's just because I sped through the book without much pause over scene descriptions.

Who: The main character is Tris Prior, a plain girl who learns that she has a affinity for multiple factions, which makes her a sort of rebel threat to the government that aims to keep subordination within each faction. She's the narrator of the novel and therefore assumes the kind of fill-in, girl-next-door identity that the adolescent reader can easily slip into. The second-deepest character would have to be Four, Tris's instructor and love interest. He's a bit of an enigma, and his character is unravelled rather well throughout the novel. The rest of the characters include Tris's family, friends, and the leaders of her new faction, all of whom are relatively unexplored, at least in this first novel.

Themes: Obviously the novel has undercurrents of social commentary on ideas of utopian societies and the role of government in the lives of people. The setup of Roth's post-apocalyptic world seems to be one of organized peace, but of course, such cooperation cannot exist for long. The people of the "selfless" faction are chosen to rule the nation, or whatever you would call it, since they are believed to have the best interests of all at heart. However, these "selfless" people shun luxury and economic prosperity, leading to conflicts with the more materialistic factions. The society therefore proves that it was created with the best of intentions, but the darkness of human nature (lust, greed, the need for power) will ultimately destroy the goodness that it is in a constant battle with.

Why I Read It: As I said in a previous post, I don't really read teen novels anymore because although they may be enjoyable, I just find them much too superficial and simple for me. However, I plan on seeing the movie that comes out next year, so I thought I might as well read the book. It looked interesting enough.

Comments: This novel is a carbon copy of The Hunger Games, and I'm not saying this lightly. From the uneven political power to the splitting of society into polarizing segments to the practical-tomboy-and-strong-though-she-doesn't-admit-it heroine to the rebel uprising to the teen romance (I don't want to spoil it, but let's just say that things go very much the same way as the Peeta/Katniss saga), it is practically the exact same story. I know this is probably completely coincidental (I usually come up with great, seemingly original ideas and only then find out that it's been done a hundred times before me), but it's still a little unfortunate. At least in the case of The Hunger Games and Twilight, they were completely different. Now, what with the Divergent movie and all, I'm a little nervous about how it will be perceived.
The only major difference for me was that The Hunger Games sucked you into the story more (and I'm not that biased by adolescent opinion, since I only read The Hunger Games a year and a half ago) and was more eloquently written. I feel as though Divergent had a lot of potential that was left unexplored, both thematically and in its prose. The storytelling is simplistic and very "tell" instead of "show," which I suppose is to be expected from a young adult novel, but it was still disappointing in that regard. However, I didn't find The Hunger Games to be that much better; I desperately wish that it had been written as an adult novel so that the political and social themes could have been more deeply explored, instead of glazed over with action and lukewarm romance. The romance in Divergent was a little more traditional, but I feel as though everything was skimmed over. The book was decently lengthy, yet I still came out of it feeling as though I just had a summary of the actual story. None of the other characters are examined except for Tris and Four, and seem to serve no other purpose than simply to fill up the space. Hopefully this changes as the series progresses, as there are two more books in which the secondary characters can be filled out.
The book makes for a fairly compelling read, despite of or perhaps because of its simplicity; it's definitely a quick read. The "skimming" aspect of it still rings true, though; almost all of the action and suspense is blazed through so that you barely get a chance for it to sink in before the conflict is resolved. It isn't torturous to read because of this, but it also doesn't allow you to fully experience the impact of what's going on in the plot, since it's all over too fast.


I'm sure the film will make for a cool visual representation, since there are quite a few adrenaline-pumping scenes.
(Source: IMDb)

Likes: Tris, while essentially being a blonde Katniss Everdeen, is likeable. She's not so completely average that you find her boring (*cough* Bella Swan *cough*). There is almost a constant conflict within her that, while being very obvious, is also believable. The fact that she is described as being "not pretty" is also interesting; even Katniss gets sexed up for the publicity. Tris doesn't seem to mind that she isn't beautiful, and she doesn't try to present herself as anything but what she is. She may be plain, but she's not fake, which is important in a protagonist.
Four is particularly likeable and intriguing. He's not typically kind or charming or daring; the darkness and flaws within him are not blatant but are not deeply covered, either. He seems to be the realest person of all in the story, considering that he is private when it comes to personal questions and allows different aspects of his personality to shine through at different moments. He isn't just representative of a set of characteristics by which he can be defined, and that's quite nice.
I'm trying to imagine Divergent without the context of The Hunger Games, and it's tough. However, the setting of the book is well-suited, and the plot is nicely paced, if not a little brief.

Dislikes: Like I said, it's way too similar to The Hunger Games. It's also too simple for my liking and too on-the-surface. I feel as though so much more could have been done with different elements of the story, such as when the characters must face their fears to become part of the "brave" faction. There was inner conflict, but it was not to-the-core. Every traumatic event in the novel was overcome much too easily, which makes it unrealistic. But then again, maybe I'm just expecting too much out of a book that was written for 13 year olds.

Overall Opinion: Divergent was a fun read, and not a total waste of time. I still prefer The Hunger Games, although I suppose I'll have to read the rest of the Divergent series to find out if things improve, as they very well may. It's quick and to-the-point with some pretty cool and daring scenes, and I find the romance to be a nice plot point amidst everything else going on. All I can really say is not to get your hopes up too high, as I think I did. I've definitely read better young adult novels, and ones that are more suspenseful yet less action-based. It would make for a good summer read, but perhaps is not the best choice for your English Lit Masters thesis.

I could write a Masters thesis on Miles Teller's face, though.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

I Kick Margaret Atwood in the Literary Groin

I wish there was a video with that title. It would so go viral.

I recently found out that Alloy Entertainment is going to start publishing fanfictions based on their shows and pay the authors royalties for them. I wish I'd known this back when I was basically the creator of Gossip Girl.


If you were 13 years old and frequented the CW forums in 2008, then it's likely that you've heard of me. No? Well, whatever. I was a celebrity. Deal with it.

Those forums were my life. I think I spent an average of ten hours a day roleplaying, updating my fanfiction and getting in uber-mature fights with Jenny Humphrey fans. It's not like I had anything better to do back then.

My fanfiction was actually pretty popular. It was Gossip Girl as if it hadn't gone off the rails after season 1, and I was damn proud of it. It was mainly posted on the long-lost CW forums, but I started putting it up on Fanfiction.net a couple of years ago. I finished it long ago, but I'm extremely lazy and rarely update it, so only about the first half of it is actually up there. Mostly I just enjoy torturing my readers by forcing them to wait for updates.


You can read it here, although I must warn you, it's pretty fantastic and will make the show look like an even bigger fail than it already is.
I just remembered that the Gossip Girl books came first, but I feel like the adolescent literature published by ex-fans of the show is much higher quality than whatever Cecily von Ziegesar's ghostwriters pump out.

I'm totally submitting my fanfiction to Alloy. It would be a crime to deprive the world of my art. Maybe I'll fill it out with some descriptive scenes, Fitzgerald style, since it's pretty dialogue heavy. In the meantime, just revel in the thought that you knew me before I became JK Rowling. 

I'm also a cartoonist
And yes, I have an infinite number of hidden talents.

Confessions of a Creeper

Today in the chem lab, I finished my experiment at the same time as this cute guy in my class. I left the lab room after him and was walking home about ten feet behind him, and by chance, we just so happened to be heading the same way for the entire walk across campus. I could have gone alternate routes, but the way he went was more or less the same as the one I usually take, so I just decided to go his way. Just when we were reaching the point where our paths diverged, he turned around and asked, "Are you following me or something?"

It was completely coincidental that we were going the same way. Okay, maybe 80% coincidental. But the fact that I was kind-of-sort-of following him was not lost on me, and I hurriedly tried to explain that I was actually just about to go the other way. He said he was just joking, but I'm still not entirely sure.

"See me going this way? Totally not following you." I'm such a smooth operator.


This little interaction got me thinking about my stalker ways, and about the incidences in which I have actively pursued a guy, passive-aggressive style.

I'm going to admit to something that few women admit to: I'm crazy. Full-on crazy. It's my belief that all girls are crazy when it comes to guys; it's just the amount of that crazy that you outwardly portray and act on that differs.


I don't know if every girl is as much of a stalker as I am, but I guess we'll find out after this post. For me, it's pretty harmless stuff; I don't peer into windows or steal used kleenexes or anything. It's just about getting to know the guy of interest and optimizing potential encounters.

Sounds scientific when I put it like that, doesn't it?

That being said, I suppose I've done some typically "stalkerish" things. Once I found a guy I met at a bar on facebook by creeping the mutual friends of friends of friends who I knew were from his town (I didn't know his last name). I was actually pretty proud of that.

Other than instances of extensive investigative work, it's mostly just online stalking: creeping facebook profiles, reading tweets, checking out instagram photos... I mean, it's all out there on the internet, anyway. The worst part is finding out that the guy you like is passionate about the same thing as you, but being unable to bring it up to him without him knowing that you've been reading his tweets from seven months ago. There are only so many times that you can "randomly" mention a common interest before it becomes suspicious.

Optimizing encounters is something that I think every girl does; you find a place where your love interest hangs out during a certain time, and try your best to run into him. Personally, I always find that authentic chance encounters are much more common than these attempts at plotting out his schedule, but I feel guilty about the legitimately random interactions anyway.

I really don't think that these "invasions" are that big of a deal. So I found out that you go to Subway every Thursday after ECON 203 and get a footlong BLT on Italian herbs and cheese bread. So I discovered you book Treadmill 5 from 8:30-9pm at the gym every second Friday because you bartend at The Ranch on the off-nights. So I know your address, favourite Doctor Who doctor, ex-girlfriend's major, underwear colour and childhood best friend. It's just general knowledge that anyone can know about an attractive peer.


The key to not being crazy is simply to not show it. Do I get manic when the guy I'm into doesn't text me back for a day? Of course, but he'll never know, because I play it cool. As long as I acknowledge the obsessive part of myself and am able to objectively identify when I take things too far, I can stop myself before destroying my romantic chances.

The moral of the story is, no matter how crazy and overly attached your feelings and actions, never let the guy see that side of you. If you suppress the public portrayal of your craziness, then he can live in blissful ignorance to the fact that you're actually a psychotic stalker, which is pretty much the same thing as not being a psychotic stalker at all.

Basically.